Introduction
You know it’s coming… your pup’s intense reaction when he encounters an unfamiliar dog on your daily walk. Adrenaline courses through your body making you breathe faster, increasing your heart rate and causing your skin to bead with sweat. You’re unaware that your neck, shoulder and back muscles have tensed. You tighten your grip on the leash and ready yourself for the uncontrollable barking and lunging from your dog.
Is This You?
Do you experience this every time your dog sees another dog on your walk? I’ve worked with several clients who didn’t realize that how they felt about a potential dog-to-dog interaction had an effect on them. But would you believe that how you feel affects your dog?
Dogs Are Experts At Reading Body Language
I know, you’re not the one going berserk at the sight of another dog. But you know these encounters are inevitable even before they happen, and they create anxiety for you. Your physical changes, subtle as they may seem, are quite noticeable to your fur baby. Dogs are experts at reading body language, not just in other dogs but in humans as well. Your dog sees the tension in your muscles. He smells the chemical release of adrenaline responsible for your breathing, heart rate and skin changes. He feels the collar tighten as you clench the leash. A red flag just went up in his brain: MY HUMAN IS NERVOUS.
What I Wish I Had Known Then…
Our pet dogs take their cues from us – they respond to our emotional changes. Here’s a personal example: Before I became a dog trainer and knew what I know now, I had a dog named Kasey. Whenever we approached something intimidating such as a massive delivery truck, or heard something loud like a police siren, she became fearful and I unknowingly confirmed her fear by changing my behavior. I saw her reaction, I got nervous, I picked her up and said in a soothing tone, “It’s OK, it’s OK, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” every time we came upon something that appeared to frighten her. She quickly made the connection that whenever we came close to the thing I thought she was afraid of, I got nervous, picked her up and soothed her. My emotional changes in response to her reaction further solidified her fears.
…I Know Now
With my current dog, Mochi, here’s how I was able to keep from reinforcing her fears: She’s terrified of the large recycling bins in our neighborhood. I don’t know if it’s because the bins are tall, or if it’s their dark blue color, or the shape…All I know is she’ll do anything to avoid passing by them when we walk around our block on recycling day. I allow her to walk as far away from the bin as she’s comfortable. I don’t look at her or talk to her. I don’t focus on her fear by making eye contact with her and saying, “it’s OK, I know you’re afraid.” Instead, I pretend I’m absorbed reading an article on my phone or listening intently to a song on Spotify. I don’t react to her fear.
Keep Your Emotions In Check
At this point I’m sure you’re thinking, “Wow, you must not care very much about your dog if you’re not soothing her when she’s scared.” I do care very much about her. But she has to get used to unusual sights and sounds. If I make a big deal about the things she perceives as scary, it only intensifies her reactions and she’ll never learn to manage her fears. As a result of ignoring her and allowing her to get used to the recycling bins in her own time, she’s now able to walk past them at a fairly close distance and doesn’t appear bothered by them.
We’re Taught to Nurture
I realize this approach goes against our nurturing instinct as humans – we want to soothe our newborns when they cry, console our young children when they fall and scrape their knees or comfort them when their friends take away toys during playdates. But unlike kids who mentally, physically, and emotionally develop into adults who can take care of themselves, dogs’ brains don’t mature past 2- or 3-year-old human intellect. Dog owners are lifelong caretakers of canine toddlers!
Stay Calm and Neutral
As parents of young children quickly learn, you don’t make a big deal about a skinned knee because if you do, every skinned knee will be a major event. You want your kids to learn that they’re able to stand up, shake themselves off and move on. This is how we should respond to our dogs in the face of their fears: Don’t make a big deal, let them figure it out for themselves, and stay calm and neutral.
Conclusion
Remind yourself before you start on a walk with your dog: be aware of your emotional state. If you feel nervous about your dog encountering another dog, take in three big deep breaths and let each one out slowly. Then put your shoulders back and set out on your walk like you own the world. Remember, you can’t manage an incident of dog-to-dog reactivity if it hasn’t happened yet. Assume you’re not going to have an incident, and if one happens, try to stay calm and keep walking. You’ll be surprised at how your dog responds to your relaxed demeanor.